Doomed from the start

My Mom gave me a necklace that held a beautiful medallion of the Virgin Mary to commemorate the day. It was amazing in its delicate nature and intricate detail. It was also “new” and had “blue” as it’s main color so it had two of the things all brides we supposed to have.

We had spent months preparing for this day. Finding someone to make a cake and praying she made it to May 20th since she was 100 years old, finding the right photographer for the right price, putting about 300 miles on the car to find the right decorations, even hand made custom made dress made just for me. The list was endless. These were the things on my Mom’s mind that day.

My Dad was ready to walk me down the aisle. Worry lines etched around his eyes and they seemed to have deepened since the beginning of the wedding roller coaster. His words that told me just wanted me to be happy but I know his mind was also totaling up the financial damages the wedding was costing.

My Sister 6 months pregnant with her first child in a dress she hated, especially after having it altered 2 times to accommodate my nephew growing in her belly. She was in a relationship that was not healthy and having troubles of her own.

I could turn around and run out those heavy wooden doors. Well, if I weren’t afraid of letting anyone down or being wasteful of all my parents had done and spent. But I was also afraid of the future I was dooming myself by going through with the wedding. I wish I had talked to someone about how I was feeling.

There were other indicators the relationship was doomed and they should never have been ignored. Things like constant fighting over money troubles which lead to alcohol abuse which then lead to verbal abuse. The instability of his personality even before alcohol was involved. His selfishness in quitting his job without even a conversation about it or how we’d make ends meet. The biggest indicator was the mental demons he seemed to fight constantly but chose not to get help for.

We have a saying when we are on the ATV’s “when in doubt, punch it”. This is a case when I wish I had punched it and got the hell outta that church.

Time to blab about what I'm thankful for - Part II

It’s the time of year for giving thanks and you know me, I’m such a follower! NOT! If you want the non- sarcastic version please visit yesterday’s post… Oh wait, that one’s not serious either….

I am thankful for:

1. Relatives. They have bestowed upon me bad genes in spades. There is the fat gene, as well as the increased risk of cancer and heart disease. What’s not be thankful for? What they didn’t give me was the fertility gene. Or the gene for good hair

2. My Dad for teaching me to NEVER work with family. After seeing his brother try and destroy him I came to realize no matter how well you think you know someone NEVER work with family they will be the first to screw you over with a smile on their face. I will say “I told you so” on that one however. I have an eye for spying a train wreck a mile away apparently. I can’t see to crochet with out granny glasses theses days but I can see a train wreck coming.. Neat.

3. My Dad for teaching me to stand up for myself. I’ve seen him taken advantage of far too often which makes me determined no to be taken advantage of. Oh, yes. This is why I’m called a “Bitch”. I forget…

4. My Sister birthing 4 kids. I now know without a doubt there is not way in hell I could have that many kids. There isn’t enough vodka on the planet in order for me to survive raising 4 kids. Sometimes my head is swimming after just family dinner. I don’t know how she does it…

5. The King for making an ass out of himself most of the time thereby taking the pressure off of me.

6. My kids for leaving paw prints on the floor minutes after I clean it. I also love that Abby leaves her muddy paw prints on the furniture she’s not supposed to be on. And right now I am loving the snot they spew everywhere since they all have Kennel Cough. What do you mean you don't want to visit?

7. My girlfriends. I have the great kind that will talk you into going to go to the bar in the middle of a chemical peel. Which works for the best when it’s a gay bar and none of the men notice your there let alone shedding your skin… The same friends will make you nearly pee your panties laughing so hard on the ride home.

8. My job to remind me that I am a dumb ass that could have lived at home and went to college. But NO. Not me. Go into the real estate industry so you watch your income decline rapidly for the last 5 years! Oh, how I want the last 20 years back.

9. My Droid. It allows me to work anywhere anytime. Literally NO time off! Wheee!

10. Facebook drama. It does provide good entertainment, divorce, and the ability to stalk someone online easily! Mostly I love how it makes people brave to post things they would never dare say otherwise. Well unless they have a big mouth and blog, that is.

Lastly:  My favorite shirt.

Time to blab about what I'm thankful for - Part I

It’s the time of year for giving thanks and you know me, I’m such a follower! NOT! Today is the list of positive things I’m thankful for. Tomorrow is the flip side, I don’t want you to think I’ve taken leave of my senses and gone to mush!

I am thankful for:

1. My Mom whom I rely on a great deal. She has always been such a supportive person. And damn it, she’s usually right. (Mom – that was your birthday present, enjoy)

2. My Dad who taught me to work hard and just shook his head when I ran over his tool boxes, drove off with his batter chargers attached, or pull the gear shifter out of the floor in his van. This realization comes in light of teaching my niece to drive. Yikes...

3. My Sister without her I wouldn’t have anyone to laugh with about the wack job family we were born into. Plus I’d be all alone taking care of #1 and #2 when they’re old(er).

4. The kids that love and adore me so much. Not because I buy their school clothes and make their birthday cakes but love me because I am their FAVORITE Auntie. And knowing that they are working so hard on my birthday cards warms my heart. *Sister, please read this to your kids so they start working on my birthday cards

4. The King. He is a good man. Alas he is a man but he is a good one. Most.Of.The.time. He always supportive. I always know he has my back. He’s probably making faces at my head, but he’s there.

5. Baxter who is my constant companion. No really, he won’t ever leave me alone. I can’t play hide and seek because he gives me away…

6. Zoe who reminds me that I am NOT the princess anymore. She keeps me down to earth.

Zoe's getting board, I better hurry...

7. Abby who keeps me from feeling guilty about the magazine’s I haven’t read by shredding them up. She also warms up my side of the bed every night until I pull her off the bed. Seriously, I have to pull her by the collar to get her down.

8. My “Sistas” who’s friendship keeps me from falling in the Abyss. They make me laugh although sometimes not intentional. They remind me I am not alone. Of coarse that is because crazy women congregate in groups and we have a fairly larger group of crazy.

9. Having a job. Apparently I like a little S & M. by staying in the real estate industry. Thankfully I am in good company.

10. “J’s” health. Our nephew had a closing call this past spring but he was very blessed and walked away from what would have been a nightmare. Now he’s getting lucky in a different way so we never see him, but whatev’s.

Knowledge is power...

Things I’ve learned lately…

Saying “right?” at the end of sentence will get you laughed at in some circles. It is also a great way to halt conversation…

Crisco has many uses up to and including moisturizer. (No, Jen I am not doing this I swear!) The very reliable source in this case would be my mother. And she’s always (yes that was hard to type) right. Right?

If there is a rare medical condition someone in my immediate family will have it. This same learning experience has confirmed my Dad needs to have a paternity test to confirm Sister is really his. She may very well be adopted as she claims.



No matter how many Jell-O shots you make for a girls trip, it will never be enough. And no matter how strong they are if you have whip cream they will be perfect!

There are not breaks on the passenger side of the truck even though there should be when you’re teaching a 15 year old to drive. Natural reflex is to break when heading into the ass end of another car at a fast speed.



Just because your puppy graduates kindergarten does not mean she’s smart. It means they want her out of the store and graduate her OR she’s a genius. Abby has figured out how to get candy out of the jar without tipping it over. She can also get candy out of the wrapper before eating it. AND she must be able to ready since 3 of my magazines were strewn about in the pasture.

Kennel cough is contagious. NO! I mean VERY contagious. Abby had a bout with it when she was getting her shots (here) but now all 3 dogs have it. Nothing better then a sneezing, snot flinging dog trying to get love because it doesn’t feel good. Times 3!

The Big Top

I’m considering running away and joining the circus. This is hysterical because my life is a circus. However I feel the actual circus would be a nice vacation…

Maybe I could just hang out and swing….

Maybe I could learn to juggle something other than time….

The downfall would be the makeup. I just had a chemical peel so I can’t wear any. Oh, wait, because of the chemical peel I don’t need any help, I’ll be the snake ready to shed its skin!