Eggshells

For me, the worst part of living with an alcoholic is eggshells.  You find your self tip-toeing around.  Tip-toeing around the house or the conversation.  One wrong move and you’ll be just another idiot in a fight with a drunk.  The drunk always wins and not because he’s right but because you finally wise up and stop fighting.  You can stop being the idiot but the drunk has to sober up.  And good luck if he remembers what was said.
 
When The King’s on a binge you’ll find me in hiding.  If I stay out of the line of fire until he (passes out) falls asleep there is no arguing or mean things spewing from his mouth in my direction.  Plus I get amazing and creative things accomplished when I go to my happy place.  It’s nice there.  Pink clouds and happy music.  I’d invite you but being alone there is the best part.
 
The problem recently was the holidays.  If he’s “in his cup” I don’t like to go anywhere with him.  He’ll embarrass the cashier at the grocery store or say something that has the waitress looking at me with pleading eyes to help her.  
 
There are sometimes that taking him in public can’t be helped.  My Birthday for example.  How do I not take him to have the special cake my niece made me on my Birthday?  You would think it would be easy since the only thing I got was a “happy birthday” before he jumped “in his cup”.  No card, no flowers, nada, zip, zilch.  It should have been so easy to leave him home.  
 
But nope. I took him and he ruined my birthday and as a bonus my Sister’s as well.  I can take him coming at me with this drunk bullshit but NOT at the kids.  They know he was drinking but they are kids and they don’t know anything other than he’s not himself and he’s being mean to them.  It not only makes for a tough holiday season but was also the last straw for me.
 
Drunks are experts on EVERYTHING.  It is amazing how much smarter they become the more they drink.  What is strange is how there is scientific evidence that shows you lose brain cells when drinking.  And despite that drunk people are so much more superior in intelligence.  Odd….  This must be where the saying perception is everything came from.
 
In my mind I know he has a disease but in my heart I resent him for being too much of a coward to face his weakness and fix it.    It’s a constant battle to remember he doesn’t have control over it the way I think he does.  Especially when mean and hurtful things spew out of his mouth.
 
So as to not turn this blog into a pity party the next post will be full of happiness…